Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
