So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
