all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
