i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
