I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
