i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Randomize
