I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
