so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
