ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
