I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
