I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
