the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
