Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
