Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
