I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
