Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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