i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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