first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
