i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
