WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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