wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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