all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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