We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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