Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
