You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
