Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
