I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
