DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
