it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
thus making me awesome and them whores
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
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