I'm eating all of the evidence.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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