I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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