When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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