This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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