dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
