I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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