It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
