kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
