I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
