If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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