im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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