Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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