I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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