i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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