Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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