i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
