do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
