I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
