watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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