I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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