This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
