I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
