Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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