my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm really into asian looking animals
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
